The Chaos of LIFE

This poem is in a book I am reading by a woman whose husband was killed on United Flight 93 on 9/11.  It made me think of Braden and the fact that all his friends and family will not have him by their sides this holiday season.  It kills me to know that Jim carries this with him every single day.

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before 

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

 

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

i think about you often even though i have never met you.

After today I believe that all is right with my life...well, almost...but it sure is a hell of a lot better.

Oh yeah...by the way...I work at CVS on John Fitch Highway now.

I'll be at work tonight from 4-10.  Visit if you want.

I'm single again.  I hope to be for awhile.  Now I am free to be who I want to be and enjoy time with those I miss greatly. 

Haha.. next Wednesday I will be leaving for New Hampshire again.  This time though I will spend 5 nights in a tent camping.  Just bought all the gear for the trip.  Me...the one who is afraid of snakes will be living among the nasty creatures...gross.  I know someone who would really enjoy them though... 

I have realized that I have lost a truly special friend in my life. 
I replaced him with someone else...
Someone who I no longer enjoy being around. 
I have traded in one for the other out of fear and guilt and force and I need to know how to fix what I have done.
I need to work on this situation because I no longer feel the same way about this replacment person.
He doesn't treat me like you used to.
He has not taught me how to do anything like you used to.
I am unhappy and want it all to change.
I have made a grave mistake, and I am so very sorry for what I have done.
Please forgive me someday.

Haha, i can't stop listening to this song. 


"I Just Came Back From a War"- Darryl Worley

First thing I did when that plane finally landed was kiss the ground;
The next thing I did was to go find my friends down at the old hang-out.
We drank some beer and talked a lot about old times
But when the booze finally hit Billy Joe Grimes
He said, "I don't know what it is but you seem different to me."

I said, "I just came back from a place where they hated me and everything I stand for;
A land where our brothers are dying for others who don't even care any more.
If I'm not exactly the same good old boy that you ran around with before,
I just came back from a war.

The very next morning I took a walk through the neighboorhood.
I thought it's been so long since Ive been in a place where everything is good;
People laughin' and children were playing,
And as I watched them I found myself praying,
"Lord, keep them safe here at home in the land of the free"

'Cause I just came back from a place where they hated me and everything I stand for;
A land where our brothers are dying for others who don't even care any more.
If I'm not the same little freckled-faced boy that grew up in that house next door,
I just came back from a war.

I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.

I just came back from a place where they hated me and everything I stand for;
A land where our brothers are dying for others who don't even care any more.
Chances are I never will be the same, I really don't know any more,
I just came back from a war

I just came back from a war.
You don't know me, you don't know me...
I just came back from a war.
You don't know me, you don't know me...

OMG, Meredith better not be dead.  I can't handle this.

I feel better now that I actually got to talk to someone about everything.  Thanks.

Disarm

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what i choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you

I got two mice today. From what I can tell they are both female. They still are nameless. Any suggestions?

*EDIT* Feb. 7th
Nevermind, I named them today...lol. They both have Arabic names. The black one is Lelah which means "dark beauty" and the light one is Sagira which means "little person". They are so goofy.

i really am sick of being so worried. i just want him to get back safely so that i can stop worrying. it's only two more weeks but it seems like it's been an eternity. two weeks is so short here but for someone on such a dangerous situation like that, it can be the difference between life and death, as demonstrated just last summer. i can't have it turn out that way. not after all that has been said, not after all that has been left unsaid, not after all these plans have been made; it just has to turn out alright.

I am having my wisdom teeth taken out on the 25th and then going back to school on the 28th...

Intro. to German M,W,F
Conceptual Physics M,W
Herbs, Spices, and Medicinal Plants T,Th Lab on Tues. and Thurs
The Science of Food M,W Discussion on Monday
Gender, Race, and Class M,W Discussion on Fri
Myth, Folklore and Children's Literature M,W Discussion on Fri.

So I think I just permanently screwed up the best relationship/friendship I ever had. I feel like shit.

Eww...I just watched one of my guppies pop out 3 babies...

I just got the brand new Evanescense CD in the mail.  It is freaking amazing.  Go buy it (especially you Matt)!!!

New screenname.....    ConsrvtveChick88

I feel so alone here.